What Happened to Honesty and Integrity?

I know that we are 'convicted' for different things. I know that God speaks to each of us differently and about different things. I also know, however, that sins are sins...no matter how big or small they are or how much we try to justify them. I also know that we ALL sin. Hopefully, we try not to, though.

That being said, I have been slapped in the face recently with 'white lies' that my friends have said/done in order to get something for their children. Now, let it be known that I do not think there is such a thing as a white lie. Someone lies and they know they lie...lies are not big or small, they just are. So, these friends have done things like put a fake date on their child's profile so they could have a Facebook page (because it doesn't really matter), let their 12 year old child drive their car (you know, because I was right there with them).

Now, I know these aren't huge matters. I know that the world will not end because a 12 year old has a Facebook page. Here is what I do know. I know that my children watch EVERYTHING I do. I know that they know if I am being an honest person. I know that they know what a lie is and that I expect them to always tell the truth.

What happened to being role models for our children and leading by example? What happened to teaching our children that certain rules are in place for their protection? What happened to telling our children that some things we just have to wait for? What happened to being a parent to our children and not worrying about being their best friend?

Whats the difference between a fake birth date on a profile or on an ID? Just a little white lie, right? What's the difference between bending the rules for driving or drinking. Just a small thing, right?

I just don't understand how parents can justify one thing but not the other.

So, tell me...am I over reacting? Is this a big deal? Do these things matter? Would love to hear your thoughts.

Isaiah 61:1-2

Have you read this lately?

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn...

This verse was presented in church in conjunction with our stewardship campaign. In the spirit of 'give so these things can be done'.

I get that, I really do...but it made me question...

If I give to my local church, do these things REALLY happen? I mean, most of the money given to the local church stays in the local church. It is used for electricity and salaries and new music for the choir and programs for our children. Things that some might deem necessary...

Is it really used to preach good news to the poor, bind up the brokenhearted, proclaim freedom for the captives and comfort all who mourn?

I guess some would say so because we have programs in place where some of these things are happening that some of this money might find it's way to...

It just made me question...

Is my money being given and used the way God would want it to be? Should it be given to a different place? Once given, no matter the place, should it be used differently?

Are we being good stewards...in the giving and the receiving...

Fed the Homeless

I finally got to give one of these away the other day!

Where I Come From...

I want to use this post to tell you a little more about me and where I come from. It will be a long post, so if you are interested, keep reading. If not, feel free to find something else that interests you on the vast world wide web.

Let's just jump in with both feet...

I come from a broken, abusive , alcoholic home. My 'parents' (I will explain that later) divorced when I was 4. So, I am either with my mother, who was verbally and physically abusive, or my father, who is a {very active} alcoholic. We moved A LOT! At least once a year, if not more. If I had wanted to put roots down and share the secrets of our home, I would have had to trust quickly and share before we moved to the next place and I had to start all over again. Although, trusting, sharing and telling the truth to anyone whom I met would have been taboo. We didn't talk about the huge elephant in the middle of our house...better to keep up the front.

We lied...fudged the truth...skirted the issues...ALL THE TIME! We would buy new clothes and not tell our step-dad, we would go to the movies and lie about our age, we would go to church and not tell anyone what was happening at home, we would never talk about the alcoholism or the abuse. Just pretend it didn't exist...that way we seemed normal. But I knew we weren't. I knew from going to school and to friend's houses...we weren't normal!

I never understood why we kept everything so secret. Why not tell someone? They might help us. Why not? Why not? But, I didn't tell people...because my parents told me not to...and I ALWAYS did what I was told. After all, they might not like me...or worse, bring on more abuse, if I didn't. The great thing is that at the age of 8, God used an aunt to tell me about His safety and saving grace. I know He is the only reason I did not spin out of control and continue the cycle of lies, alcoholism and abuse.

Well, this perfect little facade came crashing down one day. I was 20 years old. I was 'home' from college for the summer (I was actually at my ex-step-mom's house - yeah, let that soak in - because I did not want to spend the summer with either of my biological parents). She and I had then, and still do to this day, a super close relationship! My step-mom (I hate that term, so let's call her mom) was in Glorietta, NM for a retreat. I am home alone. The phone rings. It is my (biological) mother. She has recently been arguing with my grandmother about a secret that she learned about from a cousin (see, these lies go WAY BACK) and she needed to come clean about something. She calls and says, 'I need to tell you something before your grandmother decides to tell you. Your father is not your father. You are the product of an affair.' Yup! That's me...the 20 year old who is all of a sudden a bastard child! So, my world is spinning. I am in a fetal position, crying my eyes out, trying to figure out what I do with this information. I am questioning who I am and who I ever claimed to be. What's more, I am trying to figure out if she is right. Could she be mistaken? Couldn't he be my father and she just THINKS he isn't? And if he isn't my father, why would she allow me to spend 20 years of my life putting up with his alcoholism and all the hurt that brought on? I mean, would she really let me waste that much time and energy? It was at this time in my life that I decided I would NOT continue the lies. These were not my lies and I didn't have to pretend they didn't exist. I needed to make other people own their lies.

I begin bringing these issues into the light. I begin asking the questions that my family doesn't want to answer. I begin seeking counseling for my co-dependency. Man, is my family mad during this time. After all, things are more comfortable in the dark. We don't have to answer the tough questions in the dark. We don't have to be responsible for our actions in the dark. We don't have to tell the truth in the dark. We don't have to dig up all the stuffed feelings in the dark. These were very tumultuous times between my family and me. They liked it better when I was the 'Yes Girl' and just did what I was told. But I was SO over that...all that got me was heartache and I didn't want that anymore...I wanted the truth and answers!! (I will say that now, my family is open and honest about these times and issues. Together we have learned that hiding the truth only makes the hurt worse.)

So, I have carried this philosophy to all aspects of my life. I am not a 'Yes Girl'. I am the one who asks the hard questions and tells the hard truth. I bring things to the light. If something doesn't seem right to me, I will dig down and find out why. I cannot spend any more days of my life not talking about the big elephant in the middle of the room. If you want a pat answer or someone to just push your agenda, then don't come to me. If you want to get down to the bare bones and get real answers, I am your gal.

Now, I know that my Christian friends could find scripture to support their reasoning on why I should tip-toe around the real issues. I could find scripture to support why I shouldn't. Let me just say that none of us are perfect, just forgiven. So, if I am 'out of line', my Maker will speak with me about it when I am before His Throne of Grace. On this earth, I am called to be concerned about my Lord, my family, and speaking the truth...even if it hurts (and most of the time, it does. This is how Satan gets his digs in...he loves for us to keep it in the dark and let it fester!)

Fast forward to today...I created this blog to share my thoughts (hence the name). Some thoughts you will like, some thoughts you won't. Some thoughts will be funny, some thoughts will hurt. One thing I assure you...the thoughts will be the truth as I see it. I know I am not for everyone...nobody is. Feel free to read...or not. Feel free to comment...or not. I would love to have a healthy, 2-sided conversation about any of my posts. I will not, however, be lectured AT. I have 5 parents who raised me (even if you don't like the final outcome) so I don't need another one and I have a conscience and a Guide, so I don't need those either. I am here to share things as I see them, not as you would like me to see them.

I hope you stay on to enjoy the ride. I think it will be fun!

Freedom of Speech

Was this right taken away from Americans and I didn't get the memo?

I'm just askin'...

It's Gone!

WOW! That's all I can say right now...wow!

Once again, amazed by church people!

Care Packages for the Homeless

Do you have one of those things that you're always 'gonna do' but it seems to never get done?

Well, I finally checked one of those things off of my list.

You see, I live in San Antonio. We have homeless on almost every major intersection. I pass someone holding a sign at least 3 times a week...usually more. I am so glad that God has chosen to bless me and that I do not have to live like that. I do not know their stories. Some probably have legit stories, some do not. It is not my place to judge that.

I was taught as a young child not to give them money. My parents felt that giving them money would only keep them from looking for work...or would encourage them to buy alcohol...or keep them dependent on others. Now, we never discussed what we should do for them, just that we should not give them money.

Then, one day, my step-mom (I hate that term...Mom) told me about when she was young. Her daddy owned a machine shop near the railroad tracks in Odessa, Texas (you know, when West Texans actually made money from oil...back in the day...). Homeless would get off the train on which they hitched a ride and often come into the shop and ask for money. My Papaw would never give them money, but he always had care packages on hand. Bags that contained bread, lunchmeat and soda. He would hand those out to people that came in asking for help...or better yet, have his children hand them out. Ever since my mom first told this story, I thought that is exactly what we should do to help people who find themselves holding signs, trying to make their way.

So, fast forward about 25 years...I have a son who thinks we should give money to everyone holding a sign. He has a HUGE heart and just wants to help everyone that we come in contact with. When I drive past or tell him that we are not going to give them money, he just doesnt understand why.

So, I finally did what I always have said I was going to do. I went to the store and bought 5 pouches of tuna. I brought them home, got five bags and divided them up. I then sorted thru my kids snack box...you know the one...the one with perfectly good snacks that they will never eat all of...and pulled out a bunch of great things to add to the bags. I added raisins, crackers, cookies and a capri-sun into the bags with the tuna. I tied them all up and put them in the back of my van. THEN, today, I had another brain-storm...they needed to have some God in them. So, I ran to the store and bought some tracts. They are titled, 'You Are Not Alone'. Slid those into the bags this morning.

Now, I am actually looking forward to seeing my next homeless person. Can't wait for my son to open the side door on the van and hand a care package to some unsuspecting person on the street!

Wow! Just wow!

I pray for this family ever day.

Read this post and then you pray, too!

Team Tabb

I had the privelege of visiting with Jennifer and Kevin today.

We laughed.

We cried.

We praised God for Logan, Landon, Leila...

...and Ella.

We praised God that they all fought the good fight.

I took a gift for the babies that Elizabeth had made for them. I almost took Ella's out and left it at my house, but decided that wasn't my place. I am so glad God spoke to me and told me to leave all 4 gifts together because Jennifer and Kevin kept refering to the quads. They.had.quads. They made sure the doctors refered to the quads...not talked about triplets. It is very evident that they will always refer to the babies as quads! The Quad Squad! Amazing!

The three babies that God chose to leave on this Earth are doing well. They are all weighing in at about 3 pounds. They are all breathing on their own. They all have sweet curly full heads of hair. They all look so tiny!!

Please continue to pray for the Tabb's. They will have strong moments and weak moments. Pray for their grieving process. Pray for the siblings...these 3, the big sister and the big brother. Pray for God's comfort.

Quad Squad Update

I heard from the Quad Squad mom today. I will let the email speak for itself...

This evening both of our Maternal Fetal Medicine Specialists, Dr. Kenneth Higby and Dr. Michael Gordon, did a cervical check. LADIES AND GENTLEMEN...GOD IS AMAZINGLY GOOD!!!! My cervix looks even better than it did two weeks ago!!!! At 26 weeks it was measuring 23-25; this evening--25-28! The stitch from the cerclage that Dr. Gordon put in, and gave God complete credit for, still remains unchanged! Each of the doctor's were soooo pleased and quite frankly amazed!

Now, for even MORE good news! They both agree that I should go home!!!! I didn't even consider that as an option--WOW! So, tomorrow (Wed., 3-25) given that my OB/GYN, Dr. Bryan Cox, concurs, I should be discharged to go home! Then, either Thursday or Friday we will have an appt. to have a biophysical scan where they will conduct a sonogram that focuses on the health, etc of babies A, B, and C. We have agreed that until 30 weeks, we would not make "decisions" regarding delivering for the sake of baby D to only risk the health of A, B, and C.

On a final note, many of you have asked about all of the babies names. Here they are with a brief explanation:

Baby Boy A: Logan Quinn (Kevin's first choice for a boy was Logan; Kevin's middle name is Quinn)

Baby Girl B: Leila Ruth (I had picked out Lila, but Kevin, Oprah, and the Facebook poll chose Leila; Ruth was my Nana's name)

Baby Boy C: Landon John (This was the name I was trying to sway Kevin toward instead of Logan, and Land is my mother's maiden name; John is my dad's name, it has been in his family for generations)

Baby Girl D: Ella Faith (Each of Kevin's grandmothers' names had "ella"--Luella and Cozella; Faith we chose because we have complete faith in God's plan for this baby, our tiniest--this name holds the most sentimental value to us, so we have chosen to demonstrate our faith that all will be well with her by giving our little fighter this name. She will ultimately be okay; we claim it, we believe it, and we are living as if He has already answered that prayer as we have requested!)

God bless all of you that have sent your thoughts and prayers on behalf of the fourfold and our family! He does not cease to amaze us all; and He has showered us with blessings beyond measure! This testimony will speak to others about how Great and Big our God IS!

Please continue to pray for this precious family!

A miracle is in our midst!

Quad Squad Prep Update

Well, a team of women went to the Quad Squad Abode today.

We busted it out!

I will let the pictures speak for themselves.

A painted nursery...


Organizing Baby Clothes...

Hall and Hall Closet cleaned and organized!

Please continue your prayers for the prep team. We want to get everything in its place before those babies come home.

Also, continue praying for The Quad Squad. They have a long way to go!

Quad Squad

A precious couple from church is expecting quads...yup, you read that right...QUADS!

The poor mom has been on bedrest over a month now...

The poor dad is running around like a chicken with his head cut off, trying to get things ready.

Our Sunday School class has the privilege of helping this week. Some members of our class have signed up to go over at various times and help organize, paint and whatever else they need help with. I get to go Thursday. I am also working on refinishing the baby bed...(you sould see this thing...it looks like animal cages...and SOMEONE painted it with khaki, white and brown speckle paint...don't know why anyone would do that...but don't worry, I am all over it!)

There has been a lot of publicity lately for the family. They were on the news. And OPRAH!

Please pray for this family. There are lots of unknowns with the pregnancy...4 babies being born and coming home...the older two children...you get the idea.

House Update #4

This is the previous homeowners idea of beautiful track lighting.

This is my idea of beautiful track lighting.

The small changes thrill my heart!

BTW, for those of you who have been wondering...it only took the Mormons 2 1/2 months to knock on our door! (If you have not clue what I am talking about, we live about 3 blocks from the Mormon, way-too-big-and-goddy, on-the-highest-hill-in-town church!)

Is Tithing Biblical?

I've said it before and I will say it again...I LOVE MY CHURCH!

Yesterday, we had a fantastic...and mind-boggling...Sunday School lesson.

We discussed giving. No, Don't leave, keep reading, you might like what you read!

We looked at the Old Testament scriptures concerning giving. These are the ones that talk about the tithe...the 10%. If you want to, look up the verses and read for yourself (Deut 12:4-5, 12:11, 14:22; Num 18:21, 26; Neh 10:37, 13:4; Malachi 3:10). These verses discuss that it was Mosaic Law to give 10% - much like our taxes of today.

Then, we looked up John 1:17, Romans 6:14, Galatians 5:18. These verses basically state that the aforementioned 'taxes' were paid by Jesus. He fulfilled the law!

What does this mean? That the tithe, the 10% does not pertain to us!

So, the New Testament way to give is this:

1. In Response to a need - think about that...Is a bowling alley in a church a need? (Acts 11:27-29) 2. Secretly and humbly (Matt. 6:14) 3. Cheerfully (II Cor. 9:7)

These 3 are pretty self-explanitory, but hold on to your hats!

4. According to what you have (II Cor. 8:12). If you have debt, do you have the money you are paying on that debt? It is not your money...you owe it to someone. Should you pay off the debt before you give to the church? Is 'tithe' based on your gross or net? After all, if the government takes your money, it is not yours.

Notice, none of the New Testament verses mention a 'tithe' or 10%!

I know, all of you die-hard Baptists are having a hard time breathing right now! Sit down, it will be alright.

Although the tithe is not New Testament, you have to decide what you and your family need to do. Maybe your financial giving is less...but maybe it is more!

This is what my husband and I deduced from this lesson...

1. A tithe is not biblical, it is just ingrained. Remember, there is a difference between tithe and offering. 2. We should get rid of our debt before donating money to the church. During the months we are paying on the debt, we will give our time to the church more so than we do at 'normal' times (for more on this, go visit Lana. She states it rather well.). 3. We will give according to what we have. 4. Whatever amount we decide to give, we will do it with a happy heart, not just do it in order to 'check the box'.

This guy says it well.

Go ahead. Research, re-evaluate, decide what your family should do!

Baby Audrey's Story Continues

Smith Family Story from Matthew Singleton on Vimeo.


Grab a kleenex and watch more about this precious family!

What Are You Afraid Of?

Yesterday, Ressurection Day, our pastor gave another tremendous Children's Sermon. I do not know if these are touching me because of our pastor's condition or because my mentality and ability to follow a message is on the 1st thru 5th grade level, but in any case...

He started by asking the children what they were afraid of...

"Spiders...

Snakes...

The Dark...

Thunderstorms..."

He had all of these items written on their own sheet of paper. He also had a sheet of paper that said, 'Death'.

Then, he says to the kids, "You know, we have no reason to be afraid of anything. God has gone before us and knows our future. He knows the plan He has for us and He has worked it all out...So there is no reason to be afraid."

You see the smiles on the children's faces.

Then Pastor says, "So, let's tear these things up to show that we are not afraid of them anymore! Jesus has gone before us and there is no reason to be afraid."

He hands the sheets out to a few kids. One child tears up 'Spiders', another, 'Thunderstorms' and so on...

but Pastor says...

"I am going to tear up 'death'. I am not afraid of death." And with that, he gives that sheet of paper a hearty rip!

Once again, not sure the children fully understood the impact of that message. It was HUGE for me...my pastor is not afraid of death!

God Bless Pastor Don!

The True Easter Story

Although the Easter humor has been fun, I need to share the truth!

Matthew 27: 32-55 Discusses the cruxifiction of Jesus. He suffered and died on that cross for you and for me. To save us from our sins...to pay the price for us!

But...

the good news...

On Easter Sunday, he rose from the dead (Matthew 27: 62 - 28:8). He showed that he was no ordinary man...the tomb WAS EMPTY! AMEN and AMEN!

Although the bunnies and eggs are fun, the truth behind the holiday is Jesus' ressurection from the dead...so that you and I could spend eternity at the throne of Grace!

Happy Easter Everyone! Happy Ressurection Day!

Remember...